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so： 'Where would your free will have been if at some period of your
life you could have had everything you wanted？' If he says it is
nobler in a man to do with less help； I answer； 'Andrew was not
noble： was he therefore to be forsaken？ The prodigal was not left
without the help of the swine and their husks； at once to keep him
alive and disgust him with the life。 Is the less help a man has
from God the better？' According to you； the grandest thing of all
would be for a man sunk in the absolute abysses of sensuality all at
once to resolve to be pure as the empyrean； and be so； without help
from God or man。 But is the thing possible？ As well might a hyena
say： I will be a man； and become one。 That would be to create。
Andrew must be kept from the evil long enough to let him at least
see the good； before he was let alone。 But when would we be let
alone？ For a man to be fit to be let alone； is for a man not to
need God； but to be able to live without him。 Our hearts cry out；
'To have God is to live。 We want God。 Without him no life of ours
is worth living。 We are not then even human； for that is but the
lower form of the divine。 We are immortal； eternal： fill us； O
Father； with thyself。 Then only all is well。' More： I heartily
believe； though I cannot understand the boundaries of will and
inspiration； that what God will do for us at last is infinitely
beyond any greatness we could gain； even if we could will ourselves
from the lowest we could be； into the highest we can imagine。 It is
essential divine life we want； and there is grand truth； however
incomplete or perverted； in the aspiration of the Brahmin。 He is
wrong； but he wants something right。 If the man had the power in
his pollution to will himself into the right without God； the fact
that he was in that pollution with such power； must damn him there
for ever。 And if God must help ere a man can be saved； can the help
of man go too far towards the same end？ Let God solve the
mysteryfor he made it。 One thing is sure： We are his； and he will
do his part； which is no part but the all in all。 If man could do
what in his wildest self…worship he can imagine； the grand result
would be that he would be his own God； which is the Hell of Hells。
For some time I had to give Falconer what aid I could in being with
his father while he arranged matters in prospect of their voyage to
India。 Sometimes he took him with him when he went amongst his
people； as he called the poor he visited。 Sometimes； when he wanted
to go alone； I had to take him to Miss St。 John； who would play and
sing as I had never heard any one play or sing before。 Andrew on
such occasions carried his flute with him； and the result of the two
was something exquisite。 How Miss St。 John did lay herself out to
please the old man！ And pleased he was。 I think her kindness did
more than anything else to make him feel like a gentleman again。
And in his condition that was much。
At length Falconer would sometimes leave him with Miss St。 John；
till he or I should go for him： he knew she could keep him safe。 He
knew that she would keep him if necessary。
One evening when I went to see Falconer； I found him alone。 It was
one of these occasions。
'I am very glad you have come； Gordon；' he said。 'I was wanting to
see you。 I have got things nearly ready now。 Next month； or at
latest； the one after； we shall sail； and I have some business with
you which had better be arranged at once。 No one knows what is
going to happen。 The man who believes the least in chance knows as
little as the man who believes in it the most。 My will is in the
hands of Dobson。 I have left you everything。'
I was dumb。
'Have you any objection？' he said； a little anxiously。
'Am I able to fulfil the conditions？' I faltered。
'I have burdened you with no conditions；' he returned。 'I don't
believe in conditions。 I know your heart and mind now。 I trust you
perfectly。'
'I am unworthy of it。'
'That is for me to judge。'
'Will you have no trustees？'
'Not one。'
'What do you want me to do with your property？'
'You know well enough。 Keep it going the right way。'
'I will always think what you would like。'
'No； do not。 Think what is right； and where there is no right or
wrong plain in itself； then think what is best。 You may see good
reason to change some of my plans。 You may be wrong； but you must
do what you see rightnot what I see or might see right。'
'But there is no need to talk so seriously about it；' I said。 'You
will manage it yourself for many years yet。 Make me your steward；
if you like； during your absence： I will not object to that。'
'You do not object to the other； I hope？'
'No。'
'Then so let it be。 The other； of course。 I have； being a lawyer
myself； taken good care not to trust myself only with the arranging
of these matters。 I think you will find them all right。'
'But supposing you should not returnyou have compelled me to make
the supposition'
'Of course。 Go on。'
'What am I to do with the money in the prospect of following you？'
'Ah！ that is the one point on which I want a word； although I do not
think it is necessary。 I want to entail the property。'
'How？'
'By word of mouth；' he answered； laughing。 'You must look out for a
right man； as I have done； get him to know your ways and ideas； and
if you find him worthythat is a grand wide wordour Lord gave it
to his disciplesleave it all to him in the same way I have left it
to you； trusting to the spirit of truth that is in him； the spirit
of God。 You can copy my willas far as it will apply； for you may
have； one way or another； lost the half of it by that time。 But； by
word of mouth； you must make the same condition with him as I have
made with youthat is； with regard to his leaving it； and the
conditions on which he leaves it； adding the words； 〃that it may
descend thus in perpetuum。〃 And he must do the same。'
He broke into a quiet laugh。 I knew well enough what he meant。 But
he added：
'That means； of course； for as long as there is any。'
'Are you sure you are doing right； Falconer？' I said。
'Quite。 It is better to endow one man； who will work as the Father
works； than a hundred charities。 But it is time I went to fetch my
father。 Will you go with me？'
This was all that passed between us on the subject； save that； on
our way； he told me to move to his rooms； and occupy them until he
returned。
'My papers；' he added； 'I commit to your discretion。'
On our way back from Queen Square； he joked and talked merrily。
Andrew joined in。 Robert showed himself delighted with every
attempt at gaiety or wit that Andrew made。 When we reached the
house； something that had occurred on the way made him turn to
Martin Chuzzlewit； and he read Mrs。 Gamp's best to our great
enjoyment。
I went down with the two to Southampton； to see them on board the
steamer。 I staid with them there until she sailed。 It was a lovely
morning in the end of April； when at last I bade them farewell on
the quarter…deck。 My heart was full。 I took his hand and kissed
it。 He put his arms round me； and laid his cheek to mine。 I was
strong to bear the parting。
The great iron steamer went down in the middle of the Atlantic； and
I have not yet seen my friend again。
CHAPTER XXI。
IN EXPECTATIONE。
I had left my lodging and gone to occupy Falconer's till his return。
There； on a side…table among other papers； I found the following
verses。 The manuscript was much scored and interlined； but more
than decipherable； for he always wrote plainly。 I copied them out
fair； and here they are for the reader that loves him。
Twilight is near； and the day grows old；
The spiders of care are weaving their net；
All night 'twill be blowing and rainy and cold；
I cower