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afterwards burned her body： worse； I say； because I lost by that
means a jewel of some value； which I had presented to her；
designing； if our nuptials did not take place； to demand it of
her back again。
〃Being thus disappointed in my love； I soon after left Alexandria
and went to the imperial city； where I apprehended I should find
a good market for jewels on the approaching marriage of the
emperor with Athenais。 I disguised myself as a beggar on this
journey； for these reasons： first； as I imagined I should thus
carry my jewels with greater safety； and； secondly； to lessen my
expenses； which latter expedient succeeded so well； that I begged
two oboli on my way more than my traveling cost me； my diet being
chiefly roots； and my drink water。
〃But perhaps； it had been better for me if I had been more lavish
and more expeditious； for the ceremony was over before I reached
Constantinople； so that I lost that glorious opportunity of
disposing of my jewels with which many of our people were greatly
enriched。
〃The life of a miser is very little worth relating； as it is one
constant scheme of getting or saving money。 I shall therefore
repeat to you some few only of my adventures； without regard to
any order。
〃A Roman Jew； who was a great lover of Falernian wine； and who
indulged himself very freely with it； came to dine at my house；
when； knowing he should meet with little wine； and that of the
cheaper sort； sent me in half…a…dozen jars of Falernian。 Can you
believe I would not give this man his own wine？ Sir； I
adulterated it so that I made six jars of ＇them＇ three； which he
and his friend drank； the other three I afterwards sold to the
very person who originally sent them me； knowing he would give a
better price than any other。
〃A noble Roman came one day to my house in the country； which I
had purchased； for half the value； of a distressed person。 My
neighbors paid him the compliment of some music； on which
account； when he departed； he left a piece of gold with me to be
distributed among them。 I pocketed this money； and ordered them
a small vessel of sour wine； which I could not have sold for
above two drachms； and afterwards made them pay in work three
times the value of it。
〃As I was not entirely void of religion； though I pretended to
infinitely more than I had； so I endeavored to reconcile my
transactions to my conscience as well as possible。 Thus I never
invited any one to eat with me； but those on whose pockets I had
some design。 After our collation it was constantly my method to
set down in a book I kept for that purpose； what I thought they
owed me for their meal。 Indeed； this was generally a hundred
times as much as they could have dined elsewhere for； but；
however； it was quid pro quo； if not ad valorem。 Now； whenever
the opportunity offered of imposing on them I considered it only
as paying myself what they owed me： indeed； I did not always
confine myself strictly to what I had set down； however
extravagant that was； but I reconciled taking the overplus to
myself as usance。
〃But I was not only too cunning for othersI sometimes
overreached myself。 I have contracted distempers for want of
food and warmth； which have put me to the expense of a physician；
nay； I once very narrowly escaped death by taking bad drugs； only
to save one seven…eighth per cent in the price。
〃By these and such like means； in the midst of poverty and every
kind of distress； I saw myself master of an immense fortune； the
casting up and ruminating on which was my daily and only
pleasure。 This was； however； obstructed and embittered by two
considerations； which against my will often invaded my thoughts。
One； which would have been intolerable （but that indeed seldom
troubled me）； was； that I must one day leave my darling treasure。
The other haunted me continually； viz。； that my riches were no
greater。 However； I comforted myself against this reflection by
an assurance that they would increase daily： on which head my
hopes were so extensive that I may say with Virgil
'His ego nec metas rerum nec tempora pono。'
Indeed I am convinced that； had I possessed the whole globe of
earth； save one single drachma； which I had been certain never to
be master of I am convinced； I say； that single drachma would
have given me more uneasiness than all the rest could afford me
pleasure。
〃To say the truth； between my solicitude in contriving schemes to
procure money and my extreme anxiety in preserving it； I never
had one moment of ease while awake nor of quiet when in my sleep。
In all the characters through which I have passed； I have never
undergone half the misery I suffered in this； and； indeed； Minos
seemed to be of the same opinion； for while I stood trembling and
shaking in expectation of my sentence he bid me go back about my
business； for that nobody was to be dn'd in more worlds than
one。 And； indeed； I have since learned that the devil will not
receive a miser。〃
CHAPTER XII
What happened to Julian in the characters of a general； an heir；
a carpenter； and a beau。
〃The next step I took into the world was at Apollonia； in Thrace；
where I was born of a beautiful Greek slave； who was the mistress
of Eutyches； a great favorite of the emperor Zeno。 That prince；
at his restoration； gave me the command of a cohort； I being then
but fifteen years of age； and a little afterwards； before I had
even seen an army； preferred me； over the heads of all the old
officers； to be a tribune。
〃As I found an easy access to the emperor； by means of my
father's intimacy with him； he being a very good courtieror； in
other words； a most prostitute flattererso I soon ingratiated
myself with Zeno； and so well imitated my father in flattering
him； that he would never part with me from about his person。 So
that the first armed force I ever beheld was that with which
Marcian surrounded the palace； where I was then shut up with the
rest of the court。
〃I was afterwards put at the head of a legion and ordered to
march into Syria with Theodoric the Goth； that is； I mean my
legion was so ordered； for； as to myself； I remained at court；
with the name and pay of a general； without the labor or the
danger。
〃As nothing could be more gay； i。 e。； debauched； than Zeno's
court； so the ladies of gay disposition had great sway in it；
particularly one； whose name was Fausta； who； though not
extremely handsome； was by her wit and sprightliness very
agreeable to the emperor。 With her I lived in good
correspondence； and we together disposed of all kinds of
commissions in the army； not to those who had most merit； but who
would purchase at the highest rate。 My levee was now
prodigiously thronged by officers who returned from the
campaigns； who； though they might have been convinced by daily
example how ineffectual a recommendation their services were；
still continued indefatigable in attendance； and behaved to me
with as much observance and respect as I should have been
entitled to for making their fortunes； while I suffered them and
their families to starve。
〃Several poets； likewise； addressed verses to me； in which they
celebrated my achievements； and what； perhaps； may seem strange
to us at present； I received all this incense with most greedy
vanity； without once reflecting that； as I did not deserve these
compliments； they should rather put me in mind of my defects。
〃My father was now dead； and I became so absolute in the
emperor's grace that one unacquainted with courts would scarce
believe the servility with which all kinds of persons who entered
the walls of the palace behaved towards me。 A bow； a smile； a
nod from me； as I passed through cringing crowds； were esteemed
as signal favors； but a gracious word made any one happy； and；
indeed； had this real benefit attending it； that it drew on the
perso