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to the custom of the place。 We answered； with some confusion； we
had brought nothing with us from the other world； which we had
been all our lives informed was not lawful to do。 〃No； no；
master；〃 replied the host； 〃I am apprised of that； and indeed it
was my fault。 I should have first sent you to my lord Scrape；＇7＇
who would have supplied you with what you want。〃 〃My lord Scrape
supply us！〃 said I； with astonishment： 〃sure you must know we
cannot give him security； and I am convinced he never lent a
shilling without it in his life。〃 〃No； sir；〃 answered the host；
〃and for that reason he is obliged to do it here； where he is
sentenced to keep a bank； and to distribute money gratis to all
passengers。 This bank originally consisted of just that sum；
which he had miserably hoarded up in the other world； and he is
to perceive it decrease visibly one shilling a…day； till it is
totally exhausted； after which he is to return to the other
world； and perform the part of a miser for seventy years； then；
being purified in the body of a hog； he is to enter the human
species again； and take a second trial。〃 〃Sir；〃 said I； 〃you
tell me wonders： but if his bank be to decrease only a shilling
a day； how can he furnish all passengers？〃 〃The rest；〃 answered
the host； 〃is supplied again； but in a manner which I cannot
easily explain to you。〃 〃I apprehend；〃 said I； 〃this
distribution of his money is inflicted on him as a punishment；
but I do not see how it can answer that end； when he knows it is
to be restored to him again。 Would it not serve the purpose as
well if he parted only with the single shilling； which it seems
is all he is really to lose？〃 〃Sir；〃 cries the host； 〃when you
observe the agonies with which he parts with every guinea； you
will be of another opinion。 No prisoner condemned to death ever
begged so heartily for transportation as he； when he received his
sentence； did to go to hell； provided he might carry his money
with him。 But you will know more of these things when you arrive
at the upper world； and now； if you please； I will attend you to
my lord's； who is obliged to supply you with whatever you
desire。〃
＇7＇ That we may mention it once for all； in the panegyrical part
of this work some particular person is always meant： but； in the
satirical； nobody。
We found his lordship sitting at the upper end of a table； on
which was an immense sum of money； disposed in several heaps；
every one of which would have purchased the honor of some
patriots and the chastity of some prudes。 The moment he saw us
he turned pale； and sighed； as well apprehending our business。
Mine host accosted him with a familiar air； which at first
surprised me； who so well remembered the respect I had formerly
seen paid this lord by men infinitely superior in quality to the
person who now saluted him in the following manner： 〃Here； you
lord； and be damd to your little sneaking soul； tell out your
money； and supply your betters with what they want。 Be quick；
sirrah； or I'll fetch the beadle to you。 Don't fancy yourself in
the lower world again； with your privilege at your a。〃 He then
shook a cane at his lordship； who immediately began to tell out
his money； with the same miserable air and face which the miser
on our stage wears while he delivers his bank…bills。 This
affected some of us so much that we had certainly returned with
no more than what would have been sufficient to fee the porters；
had not our host； perceiving our compassion； begged us not to
spare a fellow who； in the midst of immense wealth； had always
refused the least contribution to charity。 Our hearts were
hardened with this reflection； and we all filled our pockets with
his money。 I remarked a poetical spirit； in particular； who
swore he would have a hearty gripe at him： 〃For；〃 says he； 〃the
rascal not only refused to subscribe to my works； but sent back
my letter unanswered； though I am a better gentleman than
himself。〃 We now returned from this miserable object； greatly
admiring the propriety as well as justice of his punishment；
which consisted； as our host informed us； merely in the
delivering forth his money； and； he observed； we could not wonder
at the pain this gave him； since it was as reasonable that the
bare parting with money should make him miserable as that the
bare having money without using it should have made him happy。
Other tie…wig porters （for those we had summoned before refused
to visit us again） now attended us； and we having fee'd them the
instant they entered the room； according to the instructions of
our host； they bowed and smiled； and offered to introduce us to
whatever disease we pleased。
We set out several ways； as we were all to pay our respects to
different ladies。 I directed my porter to show me to the Fever
on the Spirits； being the disease which had delivered me from the
flesh。 My guide and I traversed many streets； and knocked at
several doors； but to no purpose。 At one； we were told； lived
the Consumption； at another； the Maladie Alamode； a French lady；
at the third； the Dropsy； at the fourth； the Rheumatism； at the
fifth； Intemperance； at the sixth； Misfortune。 I was tired； and
had exhausted my patience； and almost my purse； for I gave my
porter a new fee at every blunder he made： when my guide； with a
solemn countenance； told me he could do no more； and marched off
without any farther ceremony。
He was no sooner gone than I met another gentleman with a ticket；
i。 e。； an amber…headed cane in his hand。 I first fee'd him； and
then acquainted him with the name of the disease。 He cast
himself for two or three minutes into a thoughtful posture； then
pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket； on which he wrote
something in one of the Oriental languages； I believe； for I
could not read a syllable： he bade me carry it to such a
particular shop； and； telling me it would do my business； he took
his leave。
Secure； as I now thought myself； of my direction； I went to the
shop； which very much resembled an apothecary's。 The person who
officiated； having read the paper； took down about twenty
different jars； and； pouring something out of every one of them；
made a mixture； which he delivered to me in a bottle； having
first tied a paper round the neck of it； on which were written
three or four words； the last containing eleven syllables。 I
mentioned the name of the disease I wanted to find out； but
received no other answer than that he had done as he was ordered；
and the drugs were excellent。 I began now to be enraged； and；
quitting the shop with some anger in my countenance； I intended
to find out my inn； but； meeting in the way a porter whose
countenance had in it something more pleasing than ordinary； I
resolved to try once more； and clapped a fee into his hand。 As
soon as I mentioned the disease to him he laughed heartily； and
told me I had been imposed on； for in reality no such disease was
to be found in that city。 He then inquired into the particulars
of my case； and was no sooner acquainted with them than he
informed me that the Maladie Alamode was the lady to whom I was
obliged。 I thanked him； and immediately went to pay my respects
to her。 The house； or rather palace； of this lady was one of the
most beautiful and magnificent in the city。 The avenue to it was
planted with sycamore trees； with beds of flowers on each side；
it was extremely pleasant but short。 I was conducted through a
magnificent hall； adorned with several statues and bustoes； most
of them maimed； whence I concluded them all to be true antiques；
but was informed they were the figures of several modern heroes；
who had died martyrs to her ladyship's cause。 I next mounted
through a large painted staircase； where several persons were
depicted in caricatura； and； upon inquiry； was told they were the
portraits of those who had distinguished themselves against the
lady