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despair； the sop flung by a sensuous artist to Christian orthodoxy。 He
had been sceptical about despairfeminine despair； which could always be
cured by gifts and baubles。 But to…night； as he raised his eyes； he felt
a queer sensation marring the ecstatic perfection of his mood。 That
quality in the picture which so long had satisfied and entranced him had
now become repellent； an ugly significant reflection of something
something in himself he was suddenly eager to repudiate and deny。
It was with a certain amazement that he found himself on his feet with
the picture in his hand； gazing at the empty space where it had hung。
For he had had no apparent intention of obeying that impulse。 What
should he do with it？ Light the fire and burn itframe and all？ The
frame was an integral part of it。 What would his housekeeper say？ But
now that he had actually removed it from the wall he could not replace
it； so he opened the closet door and thrust it into a corner among relics
which had found refuge there。 He had put his past in the closet； yet the
relief he felt was mingled with the peculiar qualm that follows the
discovery of symptoms never before remarked。 Why should this woman have
this extraordinary effect of making him dissatisfied with himself？ He
sat down again and tried to review the affair from that first day when he
had surprised in her eyes the flame dwelling in her。 She had completely
upset his life； increasingly distracted his mind until now he could
imagine no peace unless he possessed her。 Hitherto he had recognized in
his feeling for her nothing but that same desire he had had for other
women； intensified to a degree never before experienced。 But this sudden
access of moralityhe did not actually define it as suchwas
disquieting。 And in the feverish； semi…objective survey he was now
making of his emotional tract he was discovering the presence of other
disturbing symptoms such as an unwonted tenderness； a consideration
almost amounting to pity which at times he had vaguely sensed yet never
sought imaginatively to grasp。 It bewildered him by hampering a
ruthlessness hitherto absolute。 The fierceness of her inflamed his
passion； yet he recognized dimly behind this fierceness an instinct of
selfprotectionand he thought of her in this moment as a struggling bird
that fluttered out of his hands when they were ready to close over her。
So it had been to…night。 He might have kept her； prevented her from
taking the car。 Yet he had let her go！ There came again； utterly to
blot this out； the memory of her lips。
Even then； there had been something sorrowful in that kiss； a quality he
resented as troubling； a flavour that came to him after the wildness was
spent。 What was she struggling against？ What was behind her resistance？
She loved him！ It had never before occurred to him to enter into the
nature of her feelings； having been so preoccupied with and tortured by
his own。 This realization； that she loved him； as it persisted； began to
make him uneasy； though it should； according to all experience； have been
a reason for sheer exultation。 He began to see that with her it involved
complications； responsibilities； disclosures； perhaps all of those things
he had formerly avoided and resented in woman。 He thought of certain
friends of his who had become tangled upof one in particular whose bank
account had been powerless to extricate him。。。。 And he was ashamed of
himself。
In view of the nature of his sex experience； of his habit of applying his
imagination solely to matters of business rather than to affairs of the
heart；if his previous episodes may be so designated；his failure to
surmise that a wish for marriage might be at the back of her resistance
is not so surprising as it may seem； he laid down； half smoked； his third
cigar。 The suspicion followed swiftly on his recalling to mind her
vehement repudiation of his proffered gifts did he think she wanted what
he could buy for her！ She was not purchasablethat way。 He ought to
have known it； he hadn't realized what he was saying。 But marriage！
Literally it had never occurred to him to image her in a relation he
himself associated with shackles。 One of the unconscious causes of his
fascination was just her emancipation from and innocence of that herd…
convention to which most womeneven those who lack wedding ringsare
slaves。 The force of such an appeal to a man of Ditmar's type must not
be underestimated。 And the idea that she； too； might prefer the sanction
of the law； the gilded cage as a popular song which once had taken his
fancy illuminatingly expressed itseemed utterly incongruous with the
freedom and daring of her spirit； was a sobering shock。 Was he prepared
to marry her； if he could obtain her in no other way？ The question
demanded a survey of his actual position of which he was at the moment
incapable。 There were his children！ He had never sought to arrive at
even an approximate estimate of the boy and girl as factors in his life；
to consider his feelings toward them； but now； though he believed himself
a man who gave no weight to social considerationshe had scorned this
tendency in his wifehe was to realize the presence of ambitions for
them。 He was young； he was astonishingly successful； he had reason to
think； with his opportunities and the investments he already had made；
that he might some day be moderately rich； and he had at times even
imagined himself in later life as the possessor of one of those elaborate
country places to be glimpsed from the high roads in certain localities；
which the sophisticated are able to recognize as the seats of the
socially ineligible； but which to Ditmar were outward and visible emblems
of success。 He liked to think of George as the inheritor of such a
place； as the son of a millionaire； as a 〃college graduate；〃 as an
influential man of affairs； he liked to imagine Amy as the wife of such
another。 In short； Ditmar's wife had left him； as an unconscious legacy；
her aspirations for their children's social prestige。。。。
The polished oak grandfather's clock in the hall had struck one before he
went to bed； mentally wearied by an unwonted problem involving； in
addition to self…interest； an element of ethics； of affection not wholly
compounded of desire。
He slept soundly； however。 He was one of those fortunate beings who come
into the world with digestive organs and thyroid glands in that condition
whichso physiologists tell usmakes for a sanguine temperament。 And
his course of action； though not decided upon； no longer appeared as a
problem； it differed from a business matter in that it could wait。 As
sufficient proof of his liver having rescued him from doubts and qualms
he was able to whistle； as he dressed； and without a tremor of agitation；
the forgotten tune suggested to his consciousness during the unpleasant
reverie of the night before；〃Only a Bird in a Gilded Cage！〃 It was
Saturday。 He ate a hearty breakfast； joked with George and Amy； and
refreshed； glowing with an expectation mingled with just the right amount
of delightful uncertainty that made the great affairs of life a gamble；
yet with the confidence of the conqueror； he walked in sunlight to the
mill。 In view of this firm and hopeful tone of his being he found it all
the more surprising； as he reached the canal； to be seized by a
trepidation strong enough to bring perspiration to his forehead。 What if
she had gone！ He had never thought of that； and he had to admit it would
be just like her。 You never could tell what she would do。
Nodding at Simmons； the watchman； he hurried up the iron…shod stairs；
gained the outer once； and instantly perceived that her chair beside the
window was empty！ Caldwell and Mr。 Price stood with their heads together
bending over a sheet on which Mr。 Price was making calculations。
〃Hasn't Miss Bumpus come yet？〃 Ditmar demanded。 He tried to speak
naturally； casually； but his own voice sounded strange； seemed to strike
the exact note of sickening apprehension that suddenly possessed him。
Both men turned and looked at him in some surprise。
〃Good…morning； Mr。 Ditmar；〃 Caldwell said。 〃Why； ye